Me and Gym --- he's fucking radical, yet smooth as morphineI used to be an avid blogger, in the days of stalking trauma and nursery pens. Now I feel a tad more sophisticated...although not by much. I used to have a blurty, which now you couldn't pay me to look at, an aborted livejournal, a myspace blog, and I occasionally write on facebook. Well since that time I have.
1. Gone to leisure school (college)
2. Gone to the other side of the world (India)
3. Gone to the edge of the galaxy (psychedellics)
4. Had the best professors, guides, mystics, shamans out there!
I feel reborn. I don't know how long this "reborn period" will last, but I am praying that new things will come into the fold and I will be able to look at this period as not as good as "now". How that could ever happen is beyond me, but it seems each phase is marred with a certain type of disinterest or apathy.
What is increasingly apparent to me now, is about how much of my life isn't about me at all. Now when I choose to write about something, it is usually about some global issue or democratic problem that should be paid more attention to. My life is quite dull to talk about, and only sometimes is exciting (i.e. the Boulder adventure of this past year) and so I will probably neglect talking about me as much as I talk about the greater world at large. To arrive this point I have had to slough off a lot of excess bullshit, materials which no longer had any relevance to me. A large portion of this has been an extended ego death...which began stretching from about the time I graduated high school and is still continuing. In no way do I surmise that this will ever end any time soon, but I know that it has begun.
I used to have so much drama in my life when I was in high school, and now I really don't have any. Sometimes I have problems, but they usually have to do with my laziness more than anything else (I still procrastinate more than ever). It feels so freeing to be rid of all that falseness and to be a citizen of the world instead of a blind patriot of us. Nothing seems as real to me or as concrete as it used to. The way and the measure in which I feel for others has also changed and in some places dissipated. I never thought liberation was just around the corner: all it took was for faith to intervene.
After psychedellics, spiritual travel and the company of road beaten veterans, I tend to look at reality from a different shell. Buddhism was the perfect companion in all of these adventures, because I could reconcile everything to it, and it never withered. What I have learned is that people change, you change, everything changes and you can't depend on any one thing for any kind of redemption or salvation -- life is more like a river and stream of particles, and flowing down it, you flow through different channels and energies at different times. Where you are meant to be, you are. Who you are meant to meet, you do. Learning never ends, and only becomes richer and more vibrant. You become less sure of the worlds ability to hold you and the 6 billion people up as time goes by. When you are a child, everything is seen as simplistic, and you get everything that you need. But later you learn that not everyone does get what they need to survive, and that things are rough all over.
So now I am on one particular road going into a general, but often hazy direction. I know for sure that I'm graduating, that I'm taking a year off, and then I'm going to graduate school studying either Foreign Policy or International Relations. The rest is completely unknown. Where I will go, and what I will do after that is a mystery. I want to travel the world -- everyone says that, but I'm going to make it a reality. I want to know more. I probably will end up teaching, but when is unclear. Hopefully the world won't end in 2012, and so I craft all these adventurous inclinations into reality.
As for now, the summer seems long and hard. I'm working at Mesa Verde NP for the summer in interpretation, and it's a fine paying respectable job, but it's a lot of work. I am just praying no one dies on one of my tours!!! It happens more than you think, and I fear of severe trauma after that hypothesized occurance. I love my nights off and weekends more than ever before. I know I will blow a majority of them listening to rock and roll, but that's just fine with me.
Bicycle Day April 19, 2008- TRIPPIN BALLZ in Boulder, CO "grow a dick"The real fun is going to start when school begins. I know I'm going to be a complete shitshow -- belligerant, incoherant, slipshod, lazy, intuitive, obsessive, a GIANT BOOBED creature, all of these things will occur. College is truly the best. I don't want to grow up!!!!
