MY s***ned test

I read on the news today that Sarah Palin CAN'T NAME ANOTHER SUPREME COURT CASE OTHER THAN ROE V WADE~~!!! WOW. ONE HEARTBEAT AWAY FROM THE PRESIDENCY AND WE GET THIS BULLSHIT. WHATEVER OKAY.

Heavy medicine is effecting me now, wink wink, but I think I will be able to do this NOW.


Marbury V Madison:

Judicial Review. Midnight judges, and that kinda stuff.

Dred Scott V Sanford

The case that claimed that people were in fact property and not people :( a very sad day in the u.s. dont you think?

Brown V (Kansas)Board of Education

Right to equal education.

Miranda Vs Arizona

People who are arrested must be read their rights or they are free to go without trial.

Plessy Vs Ferguson

Separate but Equal.

I think that is all I can do for now. But I did that without even like really trying that hard, so what is Sarah Palin's excuse? I am a third year plebe, but when push comes to shove I cannot wait to see her stumble and realize that I would be a more effective politician than she could ever be. Because I took National Security, bitch. Sarah Palin doesn't know what the Bush Doctrine is. Apparently it's his "worldview" we are so fucked if these clowns seduce the monkeys? I guess, that's the way it comes out. No one wonder everyone is tense. The election hangs in the air, it will come sooner than we realize...also there is a lingering sense in all circles considered that racism is still a huge, huge problem.

Oh my god so much shit is hitting the fan. Nobody knows, but we are like pretty much on the fringe of absolute doom. It's funny...cause if China and Abu Dhabi buy us than wow, what does that say about freedom and capitalism....and GREED, and immense, immense moral impunity. If the Athenians fell and the Spartans fell, then which civilization can last?

now you got me all excited

Friday was greeeeeeat

I went over to Durango and hung out with my old prof Jim. I can now safely call him my friend, because he was busy planning all of the future times we are going to chill out. He took me to the Falc's, but alas, no alcohol which actually made me feel better and not as wicked. He was telling me about how Michael Chertoff, Head of the Department of Homeland Security was with his secret service detail in May Palace the other day in Durango, and a former classmate had to wait on him. I asked him why was that guy here and he said "To meet with the tribes to tell them how to deal with possible terrorism....yeah, I know, go-fucking figure!" We talked mostly school, future, politics, and possibilities in getting involved with a poly-sci club and maybe some panels. He was so awesome. And then at the end he hugged me, and he was like "Blah blah blah -- the reason I don't do independent study is because they already have teachers that do these things and they won't want to pay me - But I would do it for you." I love my professors! They make life sublime.

Then I went to Cortez, and Baley and I decided to go to the Dark Knight. We brought in a Nalgene full of screwdriver and prompltly got drunk. I have never been that drunk before just sitting. The movie made no sense drunk, and I was seeing double of everyone. There were these fucked up kids. Then we wandered home.

There is only about a month and a half of work left~! Hallefuckingluyah.

one bastard, two bastard, green bastard, blue bastard

Bad joo joo day.

I realized very early on that the tires I bought last week were completely bald. It was made increasingly apparent to me, later on in the day, when not one, but TWO law enforcement Rangers were pretty much yelling at me for my misfortune.

Today at work, there was a medical on the tour in front of me, and in the tour behind me. Both were teenage girls, fainting or getting sick, so no heart attacks or terrible things. On my last Balcony House tour, there was this Australian girl with red hair and freckles, and I honestly wanted to steal her, she was so cute. She and her brother were hanging out with these American kids, and they were all around the kiva, and this one kid tripped and his leg went down a ventilation shaft. My heart literally dropped. I don't think I have ever been that scared in my life. I don't think I have ever felt that much empathy in my life before. I immediately went to him, and it was fucked up because all the adults just stood there and were completely silent. I was the adult, but truth be told I felt like a child. He was crying, but he was okay. He could walk. I was very shaken, and started the tour again. In retrospect, it was retarded, the way I went into panic mode, and five seconds later I was back to my old bullshit routine. I was so happy, so insanely relieved that nothing happened today medically. I also drove home on my bald tires without a blowout so blessed be to Him.

Then I got home, and my mom had some horrible and yet oh so perplexing news: my father received a letter from the state of New Mexico claiming he owed back child support on a kid, this time a Mexican kid. The fucked up thing is, that "kind" is 34 years old! So yeah. And the stupid part is, it doesn't even have his name in the letter, just "Buy Sell Trade" and our address (which is from his business card). So now I have another half-brother; the other one is Navajo, and this one is Mexican. I told Jack that the Philippino and the Jamaican are going to be on the way. How many bastards has my Dad spurned? The only thing I know is that I am glad I am not a man, because at least I know when I have kids. Also, I got really upset and threatened my mom to cut myself off, because of the whole affair. I mean, I guess I would if I had to, but I'd rather not at this point...at least till I graduate.

So yeah -- Lemans trouble (YET AGAIN), medical issues, and bastards all over the four corners.

And I ended it all by boiling a pipe, preparing a hopeful encounter with a "Dark Brother" (no, not a hot black guy, I am not that lucky)

Goodbye Toby

Toby Jones died last week. It was the first time that someone outside of my family died that I knew reasonably well. Toby was truly a character. He was really funny, eccentric and very nice. The first time I got to know him was in Middle School, in Mr. Harriman's class. He actually had the audacity to ask Mr. Harriman if that smell permeating the pod area was pot smoke. It was so funny because we were in 8th grade and that was a big deal. I have a shitload of pictures from the 8th grade dance with Toby and Eric...and those resurfaced when I fell in love with Eric.

Also, Toby and I and Drew had Ecology together with Mr. Umbarger, which was a really fucked up class. Mr. Umbarger was kind of a blunt, old pervert, and he was the first real teacher who cussed. Cussing in those days consisted of "Ass" and "Son of a Bitch," not "Fucking fuck fuck" and "Smegma". Anyway, that class was fucking hilarius. We had it with the jocks and I remember Colt Sanchez saying "The mountains of Florida." Also, I remember Toby molesting Drew's legs.

Toby was really funny and very weird. He had a dark side, but for the most part he didn't have a mean bone in his body. The last time I saw him was over Spring Break at Alice in Wonderland. He told me that he was a lift operator in Telluride and I was like "We should get baked." He gave me his number....

Bittersweet. He had an enlarged heart and so it was only a matter of time. It really sucks that everyone was like intitially "O.D." or whatever. Obviously Toby lived life to the fullest, and at leas the got to spend the last time in his life in the beautiful mountains.

I'm going to his funeral tomorrow, and I know I am going to ball.

Om Tare Tu Tare Tura So ha

the dutch gave me a tip; it's going strait into the green fund

One day

Two blow outs. Flat tires.

:(

My alignment is so fucked from my retarded accident from last week. I am so glad I didn't write about that, I was planning on and then I was just too tired. In light of recent events concerning Toby, that event was hardly worth mentioning.

I was very very lucky though, all times when my tires went flat. It happened at exactly the right times. Some tourists from Reno gave me a ride back down from work, and on the way there was a motorcycle accident and this guy had a broken clavicle. People get injured and die everyday. Every minute is a precious gift. Because I'm a young person, I think of things as being guaranteed: I will live long enough to reach old age. Nothing is guaranteed.

It is in this fashion that I understand that I need to be more patient and aware. I got so used to things being so good, that I forgot that sometimes things aren't perfect. I got comfortable around the comfort, and then when it stopped I got all bitchy. This last week has just been shit piled on top of shit, and it really sucks when good people die. Life is not worth wasting bitching about some future fulfillment that is being kept off limits. Time eventually ends up on itself, and to want it to finish faster (no matter what the circumstances) is like burning both ends of the gift.

Stress is irrelevant in this scheme.

I wrote this last night, after writing a sad letter to Clair, and being generally mopey...

Dear Friend,

I am dying to meet you again. I don’t know how much longer I can hold it. It’s more than suspense, it is Hitchcock on acid and speed.

I have no direction. I thought that when the summer came the warm weather would inspire me and I would teach myself great things, and mysticize about great visions. The nature part has been excellent, but the ego is becoming more of a problem. I thought that it was abdicated; but when exterminated, these things have a funny way of popping back into your life again louder than ever. To be at the highest heights of thought, to be circulating in the most abstract (and yet most real) of realms, that was the best. Now I find myself slipping because everything is so banal. There is no more truth, there are no more questions. Everything is a malign and petty answer. Very concise and never entertaining. The malaise has set in, and it makes me wonder what India, and majik even did.

Rock and roll idols never die. I guess in that respect you are a rock and roll star. You motivated me stronger and quicker than anyone has, and to be around you was a deep joy, a blessing. Meditative and clear I was, and when left to my own devices I came up with very strange webs of interconnected variables. Everything fit in it’s proper place, and even though it was fucked up, it made sense. There are always antecedents, “necessary and sufficient conditions”. Science + people = finally figuring out human behavior, the most twisted and darkest art of all. I think perhaps that’s why it’s most intriguing to me. To study why and how people commit acts of great evil and great good is perhaps one of the most breathtaking adventures to take. Every step of the wheel is some turn, some gripping horror, some act of great kindness, back and forth again on the pendulum. There are always questions and they never end. This last year, I was not only conscious of myself and my thoughts, but I became more conscious of the living breathing world as a whole and all of the people in it. If I was having a shitty day or something happened, I would always reflect on the scale of suffering of the entirety of human existence, which sounds really bad, but it really helps you become more mature and less self-absorbed.

People don’t really get it when I talk about you, just how cool you really are. I wish William was still around because he really dug you. But he, like everyone else left. I will leave too, and when I do there will be thousands of tears in my eyes, and I honestly don’t care - I will hug you. You mean so much to me and given me so much, I don’t know if I could ever repay you. I used to think that she was the shit and she was it....but really she was the appetizer! If anything, she sent me in the right direction. She got me thinking....but you got me REELing. I was supposed to meet her so I could meet you.

Being at home has turned me into a self-absorbed monster. When I’m at work I don’t think but when I’m at home I’m just so...wa....and I’m just calculating. I get super bitchy and critical. I need to learn how to be pleasant when things aren’t perfect. This will be the hardest challenge of all...KILL YOUR IDOLS said Dylan. I need to live in the now.

Love,
Amy

say me, Jamie

There is something about it...

The metaphor goes like this: there are two parts of you now. There’s the old you, and then there is the new you that has evolved since college. The new you realizes the limitless possibilities, the search for wisdom, the unending mystery and ecstasy of the spiritual journey. The old you is the same; the same things people expect of you, the same situations, the same patterns. The disconnect is apparent: you are not the old you at all, but people are still treating you as if you haven’t changed. The new part of you struggles daily because it can’t be satisfied by the way things used to be. It craves wisdom, experience, and deep contemplation. When going through the motions, it seems that the old you is the one that people interact with, but the new you is screaming all the time. The old you only exists in time and circumstance, and propagating the lie is becoming harder and harder everyday.

...I think you thrive off of new experiences.


I think I do too.