Faster = Bigger

I do have to admit, when I'm working, I see people from everywhere. I see people from Europe, from Asia, and from pretty much everywhere in the U.S. Somedays my friends you might be at the right place at the wrong time (pretty kickin Dr. John tune if I do say so myself.)

Today was that day.

I had a complexetely chillax day. I gave two tours and both went really well (the first one was amazing)

Then I went to Spruce Tree House to finish my shift. It was like ten minutes till I had to leave, and I was encountering a lot of English ppl and I wanted to talk to them more, and then these really fucked up British people showed up. I don't even know how to describe them. The man was really fucked up -- the women were actually normal. He actually reminded me of a pirate of of Pirates of Carribean, but probably weirder. Whatever, then the funny shit starts to happen.

At the end of the day was this old man and this young like latin guy or something. He was probably 25 - so nothing like a pederast, but the guy that was with him was really old. He had a video camera. The British were betwixt all of this, mind you. So I look at the guy and the young guy and I say "They are lovers - look at the way that guy is standing." Then the young guy was singing on an ipod. Then the old guy was like "bleh bleh bleh Music video" and I was like "Whoa, I have really good gaydar today" and then before I'm leaving the trail, the young guy is taking off his shirt, and the old man is like taking a video of him. Reminding you again --- this is Spruce Tree House people, not The Hefty Pole. As I'm leaving down the trail, I can hear the young guy bursting into song....I can seriously hear him screaming. It was almost like broadway or something. That was probably one of the trippiest things to happen at work yet. I didn't see the young guy dancing or anything, but I'm sure he was...because he was alive with song. Latin gay guy dancing in Spruce Tree House with his shirt off. Ha ha ha -- finally I have something to match Baley's fucked up Animas people.


I am honestly finally approaching the barrier between hating work and loving accepting work. No, I love work. It's just there is so much of it all the time, that I realize how lazy and pointless I was. Now I am just like a creepy machine...who puts in labor and gets money. I like being outside and seeing fucked up familes all day is fun. It's just I'm not really used to it especially. I'm becoming an ego less shell - for better or for worse. Lucky in the sky with diamonds around the end of school, and the weird effect of work is having it on me. When I'm immersed in nature and routine I kind of slip into the background..and then when I'm not doing anything, I'm still kind of spacy. Not like I'm emotionless or empty...just not so self-aware. More aware of the true self, and not so much addictive thinking. Whatever the case, I am kind of shutting my brain down in a sense, because I'm not really learning anything new, it's more like a self discovery or a non-self discovery. I figure when school starts, that's when I'll get in my element and think a lot more about complex stuff. It's not that I'm not complex anymore - it's just that at the end of the day I am exhausted physically and it is really hard to think a lot when you are tired all the time. Jesus a moth just flew into my face.

WHEN YOU COME TO COLORADO, MOUNTAIN LIONS EAT YOUR FACE. Watch out.

I've come to understand that Colorado is a very unique and wonderful place. To leave it will be very very painful...to be torn away from all the beauty and openness. It's a very special western state. Western colorado is like one of the last of the rugged isolated places. Being in such open territory has a surprisingly insular effect...I found that when I was a child, nature was the best thing around and it was the only thing around so I just got really into it. So many people do, and way more than I do. In today's day and age, with the way populations and pollution and climate change is going, this maybe the last time in history where things are truly, utterly wild. That being said there has been no other time in the history of man worth relishing than this moment, because the sacredness of nature just continuing as it always had has now been comprimised. Through our manipulation of the environment through industry and mass production, we have outdone ourselves to the point of absurdity. I think we need to get back to what is more natural in our spirits. Because without nature we are nothing - we may think that we are better, but with that justification might come our end. I hate to get all apocylptic and doomy, but I don't know if I think that everything is going in an okay direction. Technological innovation is now exponential...human progress has been pretty much exponential. With so much expansion might the balloon burst?

Tyler's class helped so much with demonstrations. One time he was doing an demonstration with a balloon and was trying to blow it up and it wouldn't and it would get big and then pop out into like a flacid penis and then he started talking about hard ons and fucking --- but it was really like inneundo, so it was really funny. One time he was talking about rough, angry sex. And then in lab he was talking to one of my friends, and she was like talking about light: "Faster = Bigger" and he was like "Not in my experience."That man changed my life. I was 19 and he really freaked me out.

Also, I have realized that I am so young in everything. I have already had my first real international experience, my first internship, my first crazy job. Some people my age weld steel, fight in iraq and have babies, but I'm doing weird shit that is slightly professional. It's funny because I am not a professional person at all. So this is really hard for me to pretend to be the man. And Calvin Paul might be going to Iraq. His Dad was at work the other day and said that. Decisions, enactments, policy sends people to kill and be killed. People receive the outputs.

I want to sleep outside tonight.